Assumptions
by Pippin's Socks
Summary: HitsuKarin. Matsumoto should really get her mind out the gutter. Rated because the gotei thirteen are closet perverts and really shouldn't gamble so much. One-shot.


_I blame my friends and their sickeningly dirty minds xD _

_This will probably be a two-shot because I will need to do some serious explaining after this!_

_Also this is based in/after/around the B.o.H fic I wrote xD You don't need to read it you just need to know that Yoruichi trained Karin. _

_Disclaimer: If I owned Bleach this scene would so be written in xD _

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_#5  
__A is for assumptions.  
__Something that everyone should avoid xD_

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Matsumoto Rangiku was blissfully parading down the corridor to her taicho's office, a place she usual avoided…especially since they now had their own warehouse for paperwork, ready to bombard her unsuspecting captain with the latest gossip from all the several oddly shaped corners of soul society.

Normally she would have burst directly into the room, not even bothering to use the door correctly depending on the importance of the news, grinning and shooting off her latest 'no work' excuse-erm reason…yeah reason but today it was different. She could hear through her taicho's door the sound of moving furniture, something that had never occurred since the dreaded 'redecorating paint war' of '82 all those years ago. Since then anyone so much as moving a pencil pot would be impaled on the spot. So why the sudden urge to spruce up the place? Especially without her!

"Would you stop slaking Hitsugaya-taicho! We have to move this desk out the way!" the distinct sound of Karin's voice, slightly strained as she heaved something round the office, filtered through the thin doors.

"I don't get why we need so much space" that voice was most definitely her chibi-taicho's…ever so quietly she leaned her head against the door, curiosity over powering her common sense.

"Well remember what happened last time, your lucky Matsumoto hasn't noticed the dents in her desk…" the thoughts flying through the lieutenant's head at that precise second were not only illegal in several realms but also extremely perverse.

"That annoying woman isn't in here often enough to notice anything…" was it her imagination or did he sound extremely smug right now…there was a brief sound of scuffling, the odd thump every now and again and most definitely one or two groans.

"Eh. Rangiku-chan what are you-" without so much as a warning gesture the older woman grabbed the extremely surprised Hinamori by the head, pressing her ear to the door, her protests silenced as the voices started up again.

"Karin why do you always get to be on top!?"

"Tch. You'll never be good enough to get me on my back…besides I think you like having me sat on you like this anyway…"

Hinamori's normally angelic and composed face crumpled into a horrified and awe struck expression, her jaw so far down it was almost touching the floor. She didn't really think she should be listening to this…but then again…

"Do you really think its fair that I have to take my sword off and you get to keep those on…" their beloved shiro-chan complained, Matsumoto stifled Hinamori's incoherent yelps of protest by shoving her hand right across her mouth.

"Don't you dare touch them Hitsugaya-taicho! Your hands do not belong their so remove them and hey don't squeeze them!"

"But they are just so nice and-"

"Now taicho!"

Hinamori was in such a state of shock she'd been reduced to staring blankly, much like when Aizen first turned traitor only she had far more colour in her cheeks and was starting to develop a slight nosebleed…her innocent little mind wasn't quite ready for this…"Rangiku-chan…are they doing what I think they're doing?" she whispered.

"That's definitely what it sounds like!" cooed the other woman, her hair completely flattened on one side of her head from the sheer force she'd been applying against the door.

"Should we really be listening to this?" There was a brief lull as the duos conscious's kicked in.

"…I'll go grab the popcorn! You go get the soda's!" both of them nodded, sprinting off in the opposite direction, many people would have probably thought it extremely odd to see two lieutenants sat Indian style outside the 10th division's main office, the floor around them littered with confections but…it was the 10th after all. They'd even lain out blankets so they wouldn't be sat on the cold, hard wood.

For a while there was not much speaking, just the occasional thump, groan and intermittently Hitsugaya's newly awoken foul mouth. Matsumoto had discovered a whole new reason to avoid sitting at her desk…

"How…how long do you think they'll…?" Hinamori began, fumbling slightly over the 'dirty' words, sucking rather frantically on her drink when it got to be a bit too much, turning even redder if that were at all possible.

"Well…Karin has great stamina and taicho is rather relentless once he gets started on something…it's rather hard to call"

"What's rather hard to call?" Both girls squeaked in surprise, managing to cover up the noise before they gave away their position, turning to glare at the newly arrived Renji and Rukia. Both of them raised their eyebrows in unison, staring at the array of snack foods and completely flustered 5th division lieutenant with something akin to amusement in both their eyes.

"Well-" Matsumoto began but was cut off by another, louder and by far more prominent thud, as one the Shinigami span round, ears all pressed eagerly against the wood work.

"Ow! Hitsugaya-taicho not so hard! You need to be gentler! You can't just throw your weight about!"

"I thought the idea was to get it done fast and hard?"

"You really have no idea do you…"

Renji had developed a rather prominent nosebleed, his eyes rather glassy as he sat down on the picnic blanket, accepting the popcorn and soda without so much as blinking…or breathing…or making any attempt to stem the blood flow.

Rukia stifled her giggles behind the back of her hand, making a rather off colour comment about her choice in literature, Ichigo and an office supply shop before impatiently pressing her ear to the door once again. Sniggering the whole time.

"I would have thought Hitsugaya-taicho would be very experienced in this sort of thing…considering the size of his fan club…" all three women shook their heads and gave Renji a very dry stare.

"You forget Karin isn't quite like other girls" Rukia pointed out, nodding her head slightly in agreement with herself.

"I'm surprised she hasn't blown his head off…" Matsumoto muttered, the last time she'd met Karin she wouldn't have so much as touched her captain with a 20 foot long electrically charged spear. "Then again…I never thought that they'd go and pull a stunt like this…on my desk…" that last part made her feel rather queasy.

"Aha! Now I've got you!"

"So you finally have me on my back Hitsugaya-taicho"

"What's with all this Hitsugaya-taicho business? Why don't you ever call me Toushiro when we do this?"

"We are in a professional working environment, sorry. So, now that you have me like this what are you planning on doing?"

"Well maybe if I did this…"

"OUCH! Taicho I am not made to bend that way!"

"There you go again…maybe I should make you scream my name and not my rank"

By this time a steady crowd had gathered outside the well known office, several famous faces had even decided to make an appearance, Ikkaku and Yumichika were both there, one gleeful and the other sniggering and nudging the rather comatose Renji. No one else sadly noticed when the latest arrival squeezed in between the two original women; in fact the first one to notice was Renji, who jerked upright in shock, hastily falling into a rather jerky bow of respect.

Once the others turned round and realised who had joined them they to leaped to their feet and followed his example. Shunsui laughed and gestured for them all to sit back down, grinning like a mad man the entire time.

"So would you mind informing me why we are all sat on the floor outside Hitsugaya-taicho's office?" the cheerful captain went on, now that he was here passing Shinigami didn't even bat an eyelash, no one went against authority.

As if in response to his question the sound of ripped clothing rather hastily removed echoed through the corridor, Ikkaku starting sniggering once again.

"Oh damn it! Look what you did!"

"Well it's not like you needed it on in the first place Karin!"

"Good point…now get off I have to take this off completely now, its getting on my nerves"

Shunsui's mouth had dropped open in shock, yet he was still managing to shovel popcorn in as he and Matsumoto began creating a sizeable dent in the door, the others awkwardly positioning themselves where they could get a good volume.

"We knew this was going to happen…the higher ups have been taking bets…" the captain mumbled around his mouthful of food. "Kuchiki's going to be pissed. He bet they would at least last a bit longer…"

The officers glanced at each other in surprise.

"What about the 'no Shinigami-human relationships' law?" they really had to get a better name for that…

"Please? Do you think _anyone _seriously _follows_ the rules round here?" privately they all agreed. It was a rather stupid question…

"So do you want to get on with your paperwork or continue?"

"We could do both."

"What?! Do you want me to sit on your lap whilst you write with one hand?!"

"…Yes?"

"Shut up and get in front of me Hitsugaya"

Rukia snickered quietly "Go Karin" she whispered, the other girls nodding in agreement, the men rolling their eyes and praying silently for their comrades survival. Karin had a very brutal reputation after all…

There was now a rather large crowd outside the door, Nanao (who had loyally followed her captain, got bored of hiding in a bush and finally decided to check out the fun), Kira, Shūhei, Kenpachi (he was really curious to know where his best fighters had run off to…), Ukitake, Isane and bizarrely enough Yamamoto-soutaicho had all finally given into temptation and decided to investigate.

Of course when the latter showed up there was a general mad scramble to find a logical explanation before he told them all to hush up and pay attention, claiming they would finally learn some very valuable 'life lessons' in the process.

"So what now?"

"Come here, you've got to direct it ok?"

"Are you sure it goes this way and not the other way? I'm pretty sure we're doing this wrong…"

"You are completely hopeless…here! Honestly, now push ok?"

"Oh…that was easy…now what?"

"Let's try it again ok? Push in, then pull back, push in then pull back…"

By this point even Byakuya had stopped by to see what the commotion was about, his normally stoic features falling into a state of complete shock, wordlessly Renji moved over and passed him the popcorn, they were running out faster than a cinema on The Dark Night midnight showing but no one wanted to miss a thing…

"I really thought Hitsugaya-kun would be more…adept at this…" Ukitake muttered, looking healthier than he had done in years "and in an office? His office? Honestly I thought they'd have better taste…"

"It's my desk…" Matsumoto retorted everyone gave her a pitying glance; they'd have a ceremonial incineration later. Once they were done here anyway…They should probably get themselves another form of entertainment. This sort of thing could not be healthy…maybe an X-box? No Kenpachi would probably throw that through a wall…

"Toushiro you're shaking here…let me help, see it's not so bad if I put it there is it?"

"…you said my name"

"I suppose I did."

"You should say it more often."

"Yes well shall we do it once more?"

"…erm…?"

"Oh for the love of..."

Shunsui, Matsumoto and Ikkaku were nearly wetting themselves by this point. The great Hitsugaya had absolutely no idea what he was doing with his 'equipment' they were beside themselves with silent hysterics.

"I can't believe he's so pathetic!"

"I can't believe I'm sat here with you…" Byakuya drawled, not making any move to leave, grabbing a packet of Jelly Babies off the floor and munching away, it was a very unusual sight…then again…it wasn't everyday that a party was held in a corridor.

"Honestly all Hitsugaya ever does is paperwork! I really don't think we should be listening to this!" Isane inputted, wondering how on earth soul society was supposed to run when half the captains were sat outside an office eating pick n' mix sweets like there was no tomorrow…thank god Yachiru wasn't here that's all she could say.

"They shouldn't be _doing _that!" Nanao pointed out, smacking her giggling captain round the head…could the man at least pretend for five seconds he had some dignity and not kneel in the freshly baked cupcakes…

"She's got ya there lieutenant!" Kenpachi retorted, a little too loudly apparently as all of a sudden the door flew open and an extremely disgruntled Hitsugaya, sword drawn, hair slightly ruffled and missing his haori bore down on them, followed swiftly by an livid Karin.

"What…" spat the furious captain "is going on here?" from his point of view it looked like they were having an extremely bizarre picnic but judging by the hysterical Shunsui and very obvious blushing on several others parts it was most definitely not the case.

He would have liked to massacre them on the spot but with several other captains and the soutaicho present he'd be very unlikely to get away with it…

"Erm…well…you see taicho…" Renji began, stealthily trying to follow his captain's example and shunpo away in a flurry of wrappers and headless jelly filled babies; however his stealth element could do with some work. He was as quiet as a rampaging rhino.

"Wethoughtyouandkarinwerehavingsexonmatsumoto'sdeskshiro-chan!" Hinamori squeaked, covering her head with her hands in shame, her ears turning pink in embarrassment of saying the dreaded s-word.

By this point all of the captains had _mysteriously_ vanished. The giant Zaraki sized hole in the ceiling, the flower petals leading across the court yard, and the scorch marks on the wall were definitely not evidence…because the gotei thirteen were far to awesome to leave behind such blatant clues that they were present…

"Matsumoto's desk?" Karin piped up, an amused glint in her eye as she stared down at the quivering officers, sadistic intent sewn into her very soul "oh please, if we were to do it anywhere it would at least be on Yamamoto's…far more daring…"

It was at that point that Hinamori fainted in shock.

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_Ta-da! _

_This is what you get from listening to your cousin try to figure out the wii remote with his girlfriend through a door XD (no...hitsugaya and Karin were not on a wii...this seems to be confusing people xD) _

_I will probably write another chapter to explain what exactly was going on…maybe :D_

_Review? :3 _


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